The only way someone could really tell me what to do would be my girlfriend when she’s sucking my dick. Luckily, she couldn’t speak at that moment.

We’ll have two sons named Richard and William. This way if they meet a couple of hot chicks it should sound like a good old porn movie:
(Sons) – We’re brothers, called Dick and Willie. Our daddy thought he has a sense of humor…
(Chicks) – Who’s your daddy?
(Sons) – Bend over and we’ll show you…
(good old 2-by-2 porn action ensues)

Geeky boy comes to pick up their little sister for a date.
(Son 1) – Hi, I’m Dick
(Son 2) – I’m Willie…
(Geek) – And I am your brain on drugs…
(some beating and throwing geek out of the window ensues)

- Why did you call your newborns Richard and William?
- For actual reasons you’ll have to wait for about 20 years…
(confusion ensues)